Full Time Mummy, World-Changer
Why I Am A Full Time Mummy
I am VERY passionate about being a full time mummy. I realise that it doesn’t work for every family and that there are many complex reasons why other parents choose to make alternative childcare arrangements. But for me, being at home is the priority so that they:
- Come home to the same person every day
- Know I am always around to fight their corner
- Have someone who will champion them no matter what
- Have someone who knows them inside out
- Know that I have time for them
- Have a playmate who can join in all their favourite games
- Get one-on-on attention
- Know that they are a priority
- Learn that people are more valuable than stuff
The Evidence
I know that many (if not all) of these things can be achieved by working parents too, but I want to continually reinforce every single one, every single day. I want to be the living example of my beliefs and convictions rather than just telling them what I think.
There is a mountain of evidence to prove that the way a child istreated, particularly between the ages of 0 and 3 years, impacts their entire life! It affects the way that their brain develops, it affects their success at school, it affects their success in adulthood, it affects their ability to form and maintain relationships, it affects their ability to deal with stress.
The rearing of children is not just a personal matter, though. It’s a global one! In his lecture at The Baby Friendly Conference 2015, Robin Grille talks about the Neuro-Social Evolution that is happening right now – positive, respectful parenting is creating peaceful, cooperative societies. Fact.
When the stakes are THAT high, I’m not trusting it to anyone else!
Doubts, Doubts and More Doubts
But at the same time, it can be hard to swim against the tide. My mum was a full time mummy and it was unusual even back then. But right now, in 2016, I actually do not know any other stay at home mums.
I’ll be honest, this makes me question if I’m doing the right thing.
There are 4 of us living off a single, below-average salary so finances are tight. We have to make sacrifices. By no means are we “poor”, but we have to be careful to make literally every penny count (I have a spreadsheet and everything!).
It’s strange, though, because when I ponder whether I should go back to “work”, the reason is not usually to improve our standard of living because we are actually very happy as a family. It’s more because everyone else is at work, and I wonder what I’m missing out on. I feel like I must have misunderstood something because if that’s the right answer for everybody else, maybe that’s what I should be doing too. I am constantly asking my hubby if he thinks I should go back to work – is my role at home worthwhile? And if it is, then why don’t more mums stay at home? Am I putting my children at a disadvantage by not having them professionally cared for at a nursery? (Yes I know – I’m a worrier!)
But the other day, a flash of inspiration hit me, which has been a real source of comfort…
Full Time Mummy, World-Changer
How many great stories are about everyone being normal? How many great stories are about everyone trudging along doing what everyone else is doing? Not many!
But how many stories are there about people who bucked the trend? Who stood up for something good when everyone else was letting it slip away? Who were different? Who pioneered new paths for the benefit of others? THOSE are the truly great stories!
Now I don’t pretend to think that I can change the world by being a stay at home mummy, BUT this thought just confirmed to me that the best path doesn’t necessarily mean the one that everyone else is on. Sometimes being different is the right and proper course of action.
…And actually, I’m pretty sure I’m changing the world for my two precious girlies!
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I love this post – so many people are apologetic about being a full time mummy when it’s really one of the most brilliant things you can do if you’re lucky enough to be in that position. Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub lovely x
I apologise for it all the time! Haha. I panic when someone asks me what I do and I pretty much blurt out my whole life story about how I ended up as a SAHM, and when exactly I plan to go back to “work”. I worry what assumptions people are making about me, even if they’re not! Haha. L
I genuinely think some people just aren’t made to stay at home, in no other situation would you feel pressured to do something that doesn’t suit your skills or personality. Everyone has the potential to change the world with what they do on a daily basis, it’s just finding the best place to focus your potential. So glad you found the best place for you 🙂 #coolmumclub
I think you’re right that different people have different skills, and some people aren’t as suited to being at home. But I think the point still stands whether you are parenting all day every day, or whether you’re looking after them outside of work hours – the way we parent our children affects the future of society. Thanks for taking the time to comment. L
Oh this was a lovely read and I think it’s interesting about the research into child development at 0-3. I thunk everyone has to make the right decision for them and I love your energy and enthusiasm for being a mummy – just gorgeous! #PickNMix
Yey! A kindred spirit. I’m a ‘SAHM’ or ‘Homemaker’ on official forms. I do the same as you and explain that I did have a ‘proper job’, I worked hard before I got this time with my family. Crazy really. I think no matter which choices and sacrifices you make, you always worry if it’s right and what others think. I just know this feels right for me, for my girls. It’s hard financially, but money comes and goes, the time with our children is short and no amount of money could make me give it up xxxx
#PicknMix
Yay! A fellow SAHM! I definitely need to stop worrying about what other people think because I know this is the right decision for our family, like you said… But it’s easier said than done. Thanks for taking the time to comment. L
I think it’s important to do what you think is the best option for your family. I’m a working mum and have been since my daughter was 8 months old. I don’t think she’s suffered from it, if anything it’s helped to shape her into the confident, outgoing and intelligent 5 year old she is now. However, we do what we think is best and what we feel comfortable with doing, there’s no right or wrong answer 🙂 #PicknMix
Oh yes every family’s circumstances are different and you have to do what works for you.
It is a fact that the way children are raised and treated between 0-3yrs affects them for the rest of their life. My personal feeling is that I want to make sure I’m around to make sure it’s done properly. A lot of parents don’t have that luxury. And equally a lot of parents feel that they are better placed in the world of work and their children entrusted to the experts in childcare, and that is fine too. It is a decision that each family needs to make for themselves. Thanks for commenting. L
I wish I could be a stay at home mum but unfortunately I can’t. Part time means I can at least be there for most of the time. We are lucky that my youngest is looked after by her dad and my parents the days I’m at work so I don’t think I’m harming her by doing it. Although the guilt is still there. Thanks for linking to #picknmix
Good for you having the balls to do what you feel is right for your family! I wish I had such strength! Sadly being the breadwinner the pressure is on me to head back to work after six months off. Virtual high five!! #puddinglove
High five right back atcha for being the bread winner!! It’s all about making the right decision for you and your family. But it can be tough when the doubts creep in… thanks for commenting. L
That’s lovely to read… Just what I need as I’m a few months in to being a SAHM. I worry about it all the time. I do however know I am probably giving him the best start by being there for him. It’s hard adjusting to not working though! #puddinglove
Oh I’m so glad it has encouraged you. It can be hard at the beginning but as you settle into new routines and find groups and activities to do to the week, it will get easier. Thanks for commenting. L
Wow well done for working through all of that! It sounds like a massive thing to have achieved. I hope you are enjoying your new life as a SAHM! Thanks for your comment. L
I never meant to be a SAHM. I didn’t see it as the thing I wanted or even needed to do at the time, but I now know my son really did need it. I’m glad I was able to be there in the early days and pick up on his developmental issues in a way I do not believe I would have done had I been in work. That’s not to say I think working mothers are wrong. I think each situation, heck each person, has to find the groove that’s right for them! I like the thought that I’m bucking a trend though – that never occured to me. Rebel! #DreamTeam
Haha rebels! Yep!
I don’t think working mothers are wrong necessarily but it’s wrong for our family – I think I can look after my children better than any nursery or childminder. Other people may not feel the same and prefer their children to be in childcare. I Just wanted to write a post defending SAHMs because we are so much in the minority now. Thanks for commenting. L
Actually, I think being a full time (blogging) mom is my ultimate dream, now that I think about it.
Oh yes that sounds good! Thanks for commenting. L
Your right, everyone has to do what is right for them at the time. I work and so does my hubby. We have to work to live but i don’t mind. My children are both at school now. I do feel like i missed out on a lot when my children were younger but i couldn’t give up work due to finances. It’s great that you are happy and can stay at home to raise your children how you want to raise them, not how someone else does 🙂 Thanks for linking up to #puddinglove
I’m sorry to hear that you were restricted by finances. I do feel blessed that we had children before the big financial responsibilities of life kicked in as it meant we were in a position to be able to cut back without defaulting on mortgage payments, etc. Maintaining it has been tricky though! Thanks for commenting. L
Ah this is so lovely, and you’re right – you are doing the absolute best for your girls! It’s so true that so often we can shy away from the amazing job we do as SAHM and I think it’s amazing that you are doing what’s right for your family. Such an uplifting read too. Thanks for linking up to the #dreamteam
I’m glad you enjoyed it. I wrote it as much for myself as for others because sometimes have such doubts about whether I’m doing the right thing…
Hey,
I don’t think I have ever read such a positive stay at home mum post – GO YOU!
I am a SAHM too, I feel privileged to be able to do this, as I had always imagined being able to be around for our girls. However If I had had a great career before kids I may have thought differently, similarly if we needed the money from my wage to keep our heads above water than, again, I would have of course gone back to work. Me working is better than my kids starving after all.
Anyhow, as luck has it, I do actually LOVE being a SAHM and I take my hats off to so many Mumas who manage to juggle working AND being at home.
#dreamteam xxx
Oh yes we are totally in a privileged position to be able to do it and I am so thankful that I am able to choose to stay at home. I just wanted to write a post about my reasons for doing it. Thank you for commenting. L
Oh I wish I could be a stay at home mum – or at least not work stupid shift patterns. I think every one has to choose their own path and do what is right for them and their family. So you never have to feel that you are doing ‘it’ wrong, you are just raising your family your way. #PuddingLove
I think working shift patterns must be the most difficult of all. I have utmost respect for anyone who does that because i know I definitely couldn’t. Hubby worked shifts when eldest daughter was small and it was really tough.
I think I’m going to re-word this post because I certainly didn’t mean “you are wrong” in relation to how you choose to bring up your kids. I meant you’re wrong if you think I’m being overprotective. I’m certainly not in any position to tell people how to live their lives. Thank you for commenting. L
I love this post and have shared. It’s such a massive massive job looking after small ones and often I think people’s sense of worth doesn’t match up. It is about making sacrifices and doing what’s right for your family within the constraints of finances etc but I think you’re marvellous.
Aaaw thank you so much! That is such a lovely thing to say! 🙂
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Thanks for this post! I’m a SAHM by choice too – and for a lot of the same reasons! The impact of these early years is just soo profound. And I’m greedy- I want as much good time with my kids each day as possible. I feel fortunate to do this even though it means we live on a modest budget. Every year I’m more and more confident in my choice, but I’m always nagged in the back of my head by the fact that I don’t have any other friends who have chosen the same path. Glad to know there’s a kindred spirit out there!