Feeling Out Of Sync With Everyone Else


I feel out of sync.

It’s like the rest of the world is playing a beautiful symphony and I’m the trumpet player who’s lost his place and is desperately trying to get back in time with everyone else.

I can pinpoint the day it started: 12th July 2008.

On that rainy Saturday, in North Yorkshire, hubby and I got married. Now don’t get me wrong; it was undoubtedly the best decision of my life. I would do it again in a heartbeat and I have never once regretted marrying my best friend.

But at that exact moment, we were catapulted into an alternate reality; an existence that was alien to any of our friends.

Married young

We were just 21 years old when we got married. We were at university, with another 2 years of studying still to go.

 

out of sync hubby and I on our wedding day

We were in love and we were happy… but we were also different to our friends now. They didn’t understand. How could they?! We had moved onto the next stage of our lives – a stage that meant we were dedicated to each other, and where our friends came second – and we made the move before everyone else did.

It was tough.

We were out of sync with everyone else. We were still the same people but we had different priorities and less availability. I struggled with it a lot – did my friends not like me anymore? Those people who had showered me in confetti on my wedding day, suddenly didn’t understand me anymore. We weren’t invited to things. We were part of a friendship group but we were always on the edge of it.

I guess a lot of those friends would understand our predicament now – they’ve got partners of their own. They’re settled and their priorities will have started to change, like ours did. But they’re making this transition almost TEN YEARS after us, and in sync with the rest of their peer group.

Children young

After 3 years of marriage, we started our family. I think that’s a fairly normal time frame, but an early marriage meant early children. Despite only being 30, we now have two beautiful daughters aged 6 & 2.

We’re out of step again.

Our friends are just beginning to make long-term relationship commitments and settle down. While they’re hosting dinner parties and jetting off for foreign city breaks, we’re fully entrenched in CBeebies and Disney Princesses.

I totally love being a young mummy. I love chasing my kiddies around the park and then suddenly leaping up the climbing frame, just when they think they’re out of reach! I love munching through a tub of chocolate spread with them or whizzing round on the Dodgems! Being a young mum is totally fab.

But I still miss having someone to confide in, someone who can relate to me. Being different to everyone else is hard.

Mummy friends

Yes I have mummy friends. As a volunteer at a baby group, I meet other mums all the time. But, the fact is, they’re about a decade older than me. I know age shouldn’t matter. And it’s not the number that’s the problem. It’s just the fact that they’re at a different stage in life – they have their own houses, two cars, go on multiple holidays, have successful careers. Yes we both have kids, but we’re different.

Once again, I’m in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Once again, hubby and I are on the periphery of things; we’re part of the group, without being an integral part of the group. We sometimes get invited to meet-ups and sometimes we’re overlooked. We don’t quite fit in. It’s like we have one foot in the social circle and one foot out.

Out of sync

Being out of sync with the world was never our plan. You can’t decide when you’re going to meet your soul mate. Some people will be early, some will be late. Most will be somewhere in the middle. But you just have to roll with it.

Being at odds with general society has pushed hubby and I closer together. We are the only ones who really understand each other – we remember the same kids’ TV shows from the 1990’s whilst still commiserating over the sleepless nights of parenthood.

Sometimes I am envious as I watch everyone else moving through life in unison, performing the right notes at the right time. I wish I was one of them, playing along neatly to the rhythm dictated by society. But I’m not – I started the melody of parenthood early. Sometimes it sounds disjointed compared to the harmonious synchrony of everyone else. It singles me out and changes the pace of my life.

But… if you filter everyone else out…

… and focus on that one line of music…

… it is beautiful!

out of sync solo trumpet player

It is a poetic in it’s uniqueness. The song I play is the song that is right for me, and for my family. This is our time, right now. We’re not waiting for our peers to catch up, and we’re not rushing ahead to meet the other families. We are singing the tune in our own way, at our own pace. It’s time to stop comparing and just belt out our song with smiles on our faces and hearts full of pride.

I’m learning that different is okay!

To my wonderful husband, I don’t care about being out of sync with the world, as long as I am in sync with you. xxx

Lucy At Home

JakiJellz
Rhyming with Wine

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48 Comments

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  1. 1
    Kristie - Mammaprada

    This is lovely. You can’t choose when you meet ‘The One’ can you? I have a couple of friends who met young and did all you described. I know my friend felt as you did. Now of course they are in their 30s and their children are well into school and they are ‘out the other side’ as in their children are old enough to be more independent and they are almost enjoying life as it was pre-children. I’m envious with my sleepless nights! 🙂 I wish we’d had children younger but I wouldn’t have been ready and I hadn’t met my Husband yet! So you can’t plan these things. I guess we all have our journey. xx #BlogCrush

  2. 3
    Mama Grace

    Everyone is on a different journey. I suppose you’re out of sync if you compare or expect things to happen at a certain time but in the moment there’s nothing to be in sync with. It’s lovely that you have a long standing relationship and children to nurture, sounds like you’re in tune with yourselves. #BlogCrush

  3. 4
    Oldhouseintheshires

    Oh this is so lovely! I got married young too LUCY! At 23. I’m 45 now and have a 17 and a 15 year old. I know exactly what you mean in this post. A lot of my uni friends now have young children and although I love them, it’s tricky getting together as my teens really don’t want to go to the Park! I have many friends that I made through my children who are older than me. That’s ok! I’m so greatful to have found the man that is my soul mate so young, we’ve grown up together almost and I love that we share so much history together. I also love now that my children are older, we get to do the things that perhaps we missed out on by having our children a little earlier than some. Like going away for weekends. I also like that we have been able to have lots of energy for out teens to take then hiking or skiing. I love my life and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Im not saying my way is the only way but it works for us and for that I am so blessed. Good luck with your lovely family. Xx #blogcrush

    • 5
      Lucy At Home

      This sounds lovely! And very similar to our story. As you say, it’s not right for everyone, but it’s right for us and that’s what’s important. Thank you for commenting

  4. 6
    Angela Watling (Life, Motherhood and Everything)

    Such a lovely post! My husband and I got married when I was 28 and we didn’t have our daughter until I was 32. So on paper I’m in sync with my peer group. But I can still relate to how you feel. I have never had the same outlook on life as many people I know. I don’t particularly like going out and have always relished being at home. I enjoy being busy, looking after people and having a cuppa instead of a drink. For a long time I guess I felt I was viewed as ‘the boring one’ but eventually accepted who I am. I love that you have embraced where you are and that you are there with your hubby! #BlogCrush

  5. 9
    Jemma @popcornlunchuk

    This is so beautifully written. I was married at 24 and first baby at 26 and although a bit older than you most of my friends weren’t even married by then and it is hard to feel like you no longer ‘meet the requirements’ of your social circle. But your last lines say it all, it doesn’t matter as long as you have your hubby. Such a beautiful post x

  6. 11
    Hayley @ Mission: Mindfulness

    Ah this is a lovely post. I wish I had had kids younger – although my hubby and I met at uni we didn’t get married until 9 years after getting together and then took a while to start our family so I am now pushing 40 and running around after toddler twins – no wonder I’m knackered!!!! However, I can so see how you may feel out of step with your peers. I have a very good friend who is early 30s and (apart from being way more cool than me in the clothes dept) I forget that she is not my age as she has children the same age as mine and says similar things to what you have written here. Love your honesty and warmth in this post. #BlogCrush

  7. 13
    Alana - Burnished Chaos

    This is so beautiful, especially the last line. I know how it feels to be out of sync. My husband and I got together at 18, were engaged by 21 (thus put me out of sync with uni friends), married by 23 (out of sync with everyone), bought our first house at 24, out of sync again as everyone else only just starting to rent. Then things switched again. Whilst we were having fertility problems all our friends met their partners, got married, bought houses and had children and we were still trying. We went from being way out in front to being way behind (not that it’s some kind of race, just out of sync again). It felt strange at times but all that ever really mattered was that we had each other, and now we have two beautiful children and wouldn’t change a thing for all the world x
    #BlogCrush

    • 14
      Lucy At Home

      It’s lovely that things worked out in the end, but I’m sure it must’ve been very hard to see things happen much more quickly for others. Thank you for leaving such an honest comment. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one who sometimes feels like this

  8. 15
    Wendy

    This is lovely Lucy and I know just how you feel. I got engaged at 21, the only one of my uni friends to get engaged, pregnant and married a few months later, gave birth at 22 and by 25 I had 2 children. I definitely feel a lot younger than lots of the mums at toddler groups, some of which are 40 and only just starting their families. I do get jealous when I see people my age travelling the world and off on nights out etc but I wouldn’t swap my life with theirs, I love being a younger mum and when I’m 40 my boys will be almost 18 and 15! Love your last note to your hubby, beautiful xx #BlogCrush

    • 16
      Lucy At Home

      Yes I seem to have loads of friends in their 40s because that’s the age of people that I meet in my day-to-day life with my kids. It’s crazy to think that my kids will be almost grown up by the time I’m their age! Eeek!

  9. 17
    Helen @Talking_Mums

    What lovely words Lucy, it’s hard being out of sync with others. Although I’ve met my OH and had kids at 30 ish most of my friends are older so they’ve already done all this and I’m the only one with a toddler. It means that many days out and meet ups are not really toddler friendly and like you say I feel like I’ve got one step in the circle and one step out!
    Main thing is that you are happy within your family, you are loved and you love.
    #BlogCrush

  10. 18
    BySarahMostly

    I met Mr Mostly when I was 17, bought our first home at 20, had our first baby at 21. By the time my friends were starting to settle down at around 30, we were living in our third house, had four children, a Volvo on the drive and having wholesome family holidays in The Lakes three times a year! We couldn’t have been more out of sync! I don’t have a single regret though. There’s a lot to be said for walking to the beat of your own drum.

  11. 20
    Helen @Talking_Mums

    This is a post I think many mums will be able to relate to. When we go through major life events at different stages it can a big impact on how we feel we fit in with the world. You do realise who your real friends are too. I don’t think there is a right time to play the notes, we make our own music.
    Thank for linking to #DreamTeam

  12. 22
    Jade @ Captured By Jade

    This was such a wonderful post, and in many ways relatable. The path we all take in life can be very different, even if of the same age, but the lovely thing about that when you’re enjoying your journey with a partner (or as a family) is that you’re able to be out of sync with your best friend. That’s a lovely thing, as are the words you’ve shared here. #DreamTeam

  13. 24
    Lisa Pomerantz

    I hear you, but I play the other side — I’m an older mom in a two mom family. My Mrs, she is 43 and birthed our girls. I am 54 and still am awe inspired by her and that gift of children. I’m a lot older than most of our friends, and I am totally okay with that. Our girls are 6 and 9, and fabulous and filled with joy and laughter. I can;t think of any place I’d rather be! #blogcrush xoxo

  14. 26
    Lexie

    Thanks for sharing! My husband and I are in the same boat. Well, I am more than he is because he is two years older. I was 21 when we got married and 24 when we had our son. Our friends are just now getting married and we have to find a babysitter for their weddings!
    <3

  15. 28
    The Squirmy Popple

    We all do things at our own pace at that’s okay! My husband and I were on a pretty standard timeline by today’s standards (married at 27, first baby at 32), but most of our friends are still childless, so we’re at a totally different stage from them. They still try to include us in parties and other activities, but we often can’t go or have to leave early. It can be hard, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. #ablogginggoodtime

  16. 33
    Alisa

    What a beautiful post! I am at the other end of the spectrum, probably in sync with your friends. We had our daughter in my mid-thirties, my husband’s late-thirties. I look around me at the people who did things your way and they’re emerging from the young-child rearing in their forties and have all this time to be young and fun and enjoy older children and the freedom that comes with older children. There is no right way. And as you point out, we have to do things that suit us. Vive le difference! #ablogginggoodtime

  17. 35
    Surrey mama

    Lovely post and I agree – different is ok. We are out of sync with our friends on the whole marriage / children thing but it’s fine, we made new friends and now they’ve caught up they understand! #triumpanttales

  18. 36
    chickenruby

    I hear you, I’m 45 with all my kids having grown up and left home and I’m out of sync with everyone see i know. I had my children aged 20, 24 and 28. everyone my age still has small children or people with children my age are much older than me. i don’t feel like i really fit in with any particulate group. #triumphanttales

  19. 38
    Laura - dear bear and beany

    Beautiful post and beautifully written. You definitely have to choose your own path in life and if people are meant to be in your life they will be no matter which path you choose. My friend started her family earlier than me and there is 8 years different between our children, but we are still friends because we are meant to be. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  20. 40
    Jaki

    Really lovely post. If everyone were the same it would be boring. Just think out great it will be to still be so young when your kids are even older. Thanks for joining in at #TriumphantTales, hope to see you back tomorrow.

  21. 42
    five little doves

    I can relate to this. I had my first baby at 23 and married 10 weeks later, most of my friends were single, travelling the world or out every weekend, and we were a family, with a mortgage and worries of our own. I struggled massively at that time, I felt quite lonely looking back and when that marriage ended after 11 years together, I really struggled with where I belonged in the world. Now with a second husband and a family of 6, I feel out of sync in other ways, but I too have learned that it’s okay to follow your own path. Different definitely isn’t a bad thing. Thank you for sharing with us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  22. 43
    Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love)

    I love the way you’ve focused on the fact that although your tune might be different to your friends, it is a beautiful one anyway. It is hard when you feel out of sync. I had a little in reverse – a lot of my school friends married young and had their children young. They now have teenagers so I’m a little out of sync with them although I’m mostly in sync with my uni friends. I found it hardest with my twin sister when she married young and had children young – her priorities changed and I struggled with that for a while. Reading your post makes me realise that it must have also been hard for her too to be on the other side of that. #sharingthebloglove

  23. 44
    Gail

    This is a lovely post! I also met my husband very young (I was 16), and although we didn’t marry till 10 years later, I can relate to your experience. The odd person does sometimes find it strange that I am still with my High School sweetheart. Vive la difference! x

  24. 47
    Crummy Mummy

    This is lovely! And you’ll have one up on everyone else before long – when the kids are grown & gone you’ll still be young, unlike me who’ll be passed it! #ablogginggoodtime

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