I’m a stay at home mum. I’ve blogged about it a lot before because I think it’s important:
- I’m there for my kids when they need me
- I know everything about them
- They know they are my priority
But there’s a key figure in this arrangement that doesn’t feature so much on my blog; my husband.
He cycles 10km to work each day (rain or shine) so that I can ferry the girls around in the car. He rushes home from work each night so that I can have a sit down. He works tirelessly for his company every day so that we have the money to put food on the table.
He supports me in my decision to be a stay at home mum. He listens when I need to have a rant. He encourages me when I am feeling deflated.
But here is the crux of the problem:
Every day that I am at home puts more pressure on him.
Is It Fair That I Am A Stay At Home Mum?
I have been a stay at home mum for almost 6 years and I am ashamed to say that today is the very first time I have questioned whether my choice is fair on my husband.
And what sparked this question? Well, I saw him. I saw him sat at the kitchen table, hunched over his laptop. It was 9:30pm. He supposedly has a 9 to 5 job. But there he was.
His fingers tapped away at the keyboard, his brow was furrowed, and every few minutes there was an involuntary sigh.
He looked worn.
I know he’s struggling at work at the moment – the company is losing money so staff vacancies that need filling are being ignored to try and save some much-needed cash. But it’s taking its toll. Deadlines need to be met but there isn’t the manpower to do it.
I Wish I Could Help
Oh I wish I could help. I wish I could lift some of the burden the way that he so tenderly lifts mine.
If I were to go back to work, if I were to contribute to the family finances, would it help?
Would he feel less pressure? Would he be less tired if we could afford a second car? Would he have less stress if he wasn’t the sole breadwinner? Would he feel more able to look for other employment options? Would he feel bolder about discussing the issues with his boss? Would he even feel confident enough to pursue his dream of becoming freelance?
All this time, I have been considering the needs of my two girls. What is best for them? What sort of upbringing do I want them to have? What sacrifices do I need to make to ensure I can be a stay at home mum for them?
But what about Him?
What about my rock? The one who loved me when I was unlovely? The one who pledged his life to me when life looked bleak and tough? The one who stood by my side through chronic illness and deepest depression? The one who nursed me back to health with patience and unwavering loyalty? The one who sings to me when I am sad? The one who strokes my hair when I am weeping? The one who knows me better than anyone else?
What about him?
I’d love to know your thoughts – do you have equal financial responsibilities or does one of you work longer hours than the other? Do you feel trapped in your job so that you have financial security? Do you think having one stay at home parent and one working parent puts pressure on the family? Do you share the childcare duties equally or does one partner do the majority of it?