Intrusive Question No. 632: More Kids??


My youngest daughter is now 2 1/2. For quite some months, now, I’ve been getting the well-meaning (but totally intrusive) question, “Are you going to have any more kids?

I usually mumble some generic, non-definitive answer because, in all honesty, I just don’t know!

I love having kids

I love having kids; really, madly, deeply, truly. I think I was made to be a mum – it’s what fires me and inspires me to be more.

I’ve made so many positive changes in my life because of my wonderful children, from tackling my negative inner voice to becoming a volunteer. They make me strive to be a better person so that I can be a better mummy for them.

When they hold my hand, my heart bursts with joy. When they stumble over to me with a freshly plucked daisy, I feel like the richest girl alive.

more kids toddler holding daisy

I am so blessed to be loved by these little ones of mine. They see me everyday (at my best and at my worst) and yet they steadfastly dote on me.

I know that some people struggle with the parenting thing, and that it doesn’t come naturally to them. But for me, when I derive such joy from caring for my children, doesn’t it make sense for me to have more kids?!

The counter-argument

But then my practical, over-cautious nature comes into play.

Is it sensible?

There’s no denying it – kids are expensive. Financially, we’re only just surviving as a 4-person family; it would be foolish to stretch our budget further by adding another member to our family.

Plus, I very nearly lost myself after my second pregnancy; the depression and anxiety, which I’d managed to keep at bay for so many years, suddenly reared its ugly head again. I sank deeper and deeper, suffocating under the fear and intensity of it all. I couldn’t cope.

Somehow I managed to turn it around (meaning: God listened to my broken, tearful prayers and pulled me out of the swamp I was being sucked into). I’m terrified to risk it again. I might not be so “lucky” next time…

So you can see, I’m tying myself in knots! There is this ongoing, internal debate as I try to weigh up the pros and cons and make the “right” (is there such a thing?) decision. Are we going to have any more kids?

More kids – a moment of clarity

But today, I held my 3 month old niece in my arms. She’s petite and beautiful, and she has that unmistakable baby-smell that instantly takes you back to those early months of having your own children.

Her warm head nestled closely into my neck and her tiny fingers gripped around my thumb. She yawned a toothless, gummy smile, and suddenly I knew…

I’m done!

(wait, what???)

No, I know – it’s not the conclusion I expected either!

Don’t get me wrong – I love my little niece very much and baby cuddles are totally wonderful. But as she looked up at me with those deep brown eyes, I just felt a real clarity of thought; our family is complete. I am complete.

No More Kids Lucy At Home Family Portrait

I don’t want those sleepless nights. I don’t want to uproot again to a bigger home. I don’t want to be pregnant again. I don’t want to have divide my time still further to accommodate another little person.

I don’t want to tamper with a family unit that is perfect just as it is.

I am so blessed with the children and husband that I have. I don’t need to keep searching – everything I want is under my roof already.

Who knows how another little human might affect the balance? As much as I love the baby smell and the prams and the tiny bootees and the milk-drunk cuddles, they’re only a rose-tinted memory.

I’d rather preserve the wonderful blessings that I already carry in my heart, and enjoy this precious gift of family to its fullness. I don’t want anything to jeopardise that.

So in answer to your question, “No. I’m happy with how things are, thank you very much.”

BritMums

Lucy At Home

Mummy in a Tutu

Brilliant blog posts on HonestMum.com

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36 Comments

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  1. 2
    Pamela lorimer

    Lovely post! I found it quite liberating when i cane to the conclusion that my famuly was complete. I always feel its totally innapropruate when people ask are you having more? That person might not be able to have more or might be trying. #blogcrush

  2. 4
    Fi - Beauty Baby and Me

    Good for you honey! I think it’s wonderful that you are content and comfortable in saying so – as you should be. We so often put pressure upon ourselves just from others unasked for opinions and there is nothing quite as satisfying as just knowing yourself that like is perfect as it is. Well said chick xx #blogcrush

    • 5
      Lucy At Home

      I thought I’d be sad to come to that conclusion but it actually feels like a bit of a relief now that we know the path for our family… Of course if another little one did appear on the scene somehow, that would be AMAZING and I’d be so glad because it would all have been taken out of my hands ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. 6
    Oldhouseintheshires

    I started to write about my experiences but then I deleted it. The point is it’s your choice and your’s alone (well and your partner!) I just never had that feeling my family was complete….but my hubbie did. Now there’s a blog post. I’m glad for you sweetie….now you must give all your baby bits away and feel liberation! Great read with my coffee. #blogcrush

  4. 9
    Jemma Willson

    I LOVE THIS!

    I’m a firm believer in; when you’re done, you’ll know you’re done!!!!

    I’m done, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of-we love our kids and we make that decision for them, as well as us!
    Great post!

    #BlogCrush

  5. 11
    Jemma @popcornlunchuk

    Loved this !!! Especially the ‘I’m done, wait, what?’ Made me lol!!!!! I can relate to everything, the anxiety/finances etc. I had a third and whilst I don’t regret her for one single second, three kids is a game changer, minors officially outnumber the adults!!! Wars have started on less!!! xx #blogcrush

  6. 13
    Rhian Harris

    People need to back off big time! It’s such a personal decision and you’re either put on the spot having not yet decided, or made to justify your decision. Either way, none of anyone’s business! #blogcrush

  7. 18
    Amanda

    I’m definitely still in the “up in the air” stage at the moment! I love babies, but my babies hate sleep. I like sleep. And I can’t get my head around this bub being my last, so I leave it open until my husband and I know we are done. ๐Ÿ™‚ It’s crazy how people need to know some things that shouldn’t matter to them! #TriumphantTales

  8. 20
    Laura - Postcards For Findlay

    People just can’t help themselves can they?! After losing Findlay, the thought of even trying for a third baby fills me with fear, but as Leo approaches his first birthday it seems that almost every other person is asking! #TriumphantTales

  9. 21
    kerry

    This question makes me so mad!! So what if you didn’t want anymore children, my biggest annoyance is the fact I have said absolutely NO more children and people think its ok to say “well you never know” yes…yes I do!!

    #triumphanttales

  10. 23
    Mrs Mummy Harris

    Hubby feels like our family is complete but I’m not sure. I’m still unsure as to whether I want one more so Ben isnt an only child but I also see what Hubby means with our lives working how it is right now.
    Thank you for linking up to #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week.

  11. 25
    tammymum

    Oh I totally hear this, and I think there is a peace that comes with reaching this decision, and reaching it out of want not practicality if that makes sense. I have come to the same decision and I am totally happy with it. I cleared out a lot of baby things the other day and it was almost a relief. We can move forward from that stage holding the lovely memories that we do and focus on our perfect little family as it is. #ablogginggoodtime

  12. 27
    Rach

    I went on a huge Twitter rant yesterday about people who put pressure on a couple of have another baby. It’s no one elses business apart from the couple. I change my mind daily and if I really think about it, I think i’ll stay at one. That’s fine. Everyone is different and has their own ideas, thoughts and feelings when it comes to expanding their family. #brillblogposts

  13. 28
    justsayingmum

    Oh what a wonderful point to have reached. Reading those words about the newborn smell I was not expecting that reaction either but I’m so pleased for you. Doesn’t it feel just wonderful to feel complete? You can now go forward living and enjoying your family of four – bliss xx #ablogginggoodtime

  14. 32
    Ellen

    Ahhh I love this! Your positivity about being a mother and family life is so lovely to hear and I’m glad you know what you want now.
    I always said I wanted a big family but now I’ve started my own I wonder if it’s really practical… we are about to have our second and they are very close together so although my husband is in his 40s now we feel we’ve got a few years before we’d need to make a decision about whether we want a third. I think I probably will want another, especially as a lot of my friends haven’t had kids yet so around that time I may be faced with lots of newborns! so it’s interesting to hear that actually it didn’t make you broody, perhaps there is hope for me Only time will tell I guess.

  15. 33
    Lexie

    My heart just about melted when you said “my family is complete.” It is such a tough decision knowing when the time is right to grow your family. God has a funny way of letting us know his plans for us.
    Thank you for sharing.

    • 34
      Lucy At Home

      Absolutely! I wasn’t expecting to get an answer at that moment (and I certainly wasn’t expecting THAT answer), but I’ve felt much happier about it all since then ๐Ÿ™‚

  16. 35
    Lisa Pomerantz

    Love this post, and apologies for being a full week behind! Craziness as school ends. We stopped at two littles too, and our family is simply wonderful and very much complete! Thanks for sharing your inner dialogue #blogcrush <3

  17. 36
    Honest Mum

    Wonderful post, I feel so lucky too although I do go through periods of broodiness so I’m keeping it open. Nothing imminent though. Congrats on your niece and so sorry you suffered with depression after the birth of your second daughter x

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