To My Grown Up Children, Don’t Forget Me


Oh my darling daughters, when you are grown up, please don’t forget me.

It seems so far off right now (you are only 5 and 2), but I know the years will fly by. How many years do we have left together? 13? 14? Mummy remembers things that happened 13 years ago like they happened yesterday.

You Are My World

Right now, you are my world, and I am yours. When you fall and cut your knee, only cuddles with mummy can make it right. When you are frightened and feeling unsteady, a reassuring smile from mummy gives you the boost you need. When you have learnt something new, mummy is the one you want to show first.

I mean everything to you.

That makes my heart burst with happiness… because you mean everything to me too.

Grown Up your hand and mine

Hold my hand

But one day you will be grown up. One day you will look to someone else for comfort. One day you will have secrets you don’t want me to know. One day I won’t be able to make your problems go away.

Empty Arms

You will be at the start of an exciting journey, ready to embrace the world. You will look ahead with starry eyes and carve out your own path. You’ll have a successful career, exotic holidays, (banks cards and bills), even your own house.

And I will have empty arms.

No more toddler to curl up in my lap. No more warm head nestled into my neck. No more whispered “I love you”s as I kiss you goodnight. No more toothless grins and make-believe.

And yes, I will weep a little as I recognise that these times are gone forever. You will be grown up.

Grown Up

So when that day comes, and you are both grown up, please try to be understanding.

I know you won’t need me to cook for you, but I’d still like to. I know it might frustrate you when I keep phoning you, but remember there was a time when we spent every waking hour together. I’m sorry that there’ll be days when I just have to pop round and see you, even though you’re really busy.

I know you’ll be grown up but please forgive me. You will always be my children. My life will always revolve around you. I will do my best to let you get on with your lives but please be patient with me when I’m finding it hard to let you go.

Oh my darling daughters, when you are grown up, please don’t forget me

 

Are you looking forward to getting your independence back or do you dread your kids growing up? Did your own parents struggle to let go or maybe you wish they were more involved now than they are? Let me know in the comments section below 🙂

 

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To my grown up children, don't forget me - an open letter to my daughters about my fears of having empty nest syndrome - I know they need to grow up but I hope they will be patient with me when I want to pop round and see them...

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71 Comments

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  1. 3
    justsayingmum

    Oh this rings so true for me and it feels a little too close for comfort! You do grow with them though and the steps to independence are gentle steps so that helps ease the transition. My daughter Georgia still sats that she will text me every morning when she wakes up when she leaves home saying “Morning Mummy” – I’m inclined to believe her!! I am certain that your girls most definitely won’t forget you lovely xx #MarvMondays

    • 4
      Lucy At Home

      Yes I guess it’s a gradual transition, but at the moment, I just can’t bear the thought of it! I’m sure it will be alright in the end but it just makes me cuddle them a little closer now 🙂

  2. 13
    Suzanne

    I am the other end of this spectrum with daughters of 15 and 16. I can remember the place you’re in like it was yesterday. I hate not being able to make their problems go away, I hate that they keep secrets from me. But it is a natural progression that as a mummy it’s hard to accept. Hold your babies tight and savour these precious moments.

    • 14
      Lucy At Home

      Thank you for the encouragement, Suzanne. I know it’s natural and will happen eventually, but right now, I wish I could just hold them close forever. It must be hard knowing that you can’t solve all their problems anymore…

  3. 15
    Angela Watling

    Such a lovely and moving post. My daughter isn’t even 2 and yet I worry about the void that will be there as she starts to grow up and become independent. It makes me appreciate how my Mum felt about me and I wish I had known that whilst she was still alive to text and ring her more often than I did!

    In reality though, I don’t think any of our children will ever forget us. Relationships evolve over time so when they head out on their own it won’t be such of a shock. I hope! #MarvMondays

  4. 20
    Rhyming with Wine

    This is so beautiful but it makes me get that sad aching feeling inside as I know that you are totally right. The years will pass by in a blink and I find it impossible to imagine there being a time when I’m not running around playgroups and being in demand every second of every day, but I know it will happen, and no amount of hot tea and going for a wee by myself will make up for that emptiness. Thank you for sharing xx #DreamTeam

    • 21
      Lucy At Home

      Yes it will go by so quickly. Sometimes I find myself wishing the time away (so I can have a wee by myself!) but time is far too precious for that and I’d totally have cold tea everyday if it meant I could keep my little ones with me for longer!

  5. 24
    Something About Baby

    Oh this is so lovely. I don’t even want to think about my little one leaving home, he is only 17 months and I feel sad at every stage he is growing out of so who knows how I feel when he leaves for good 🙁 #MarvMondays

    • 25
      Lucy At Home

      It’s a funny thing being a parent – we celebrate as they move through the stages and hit different milestones, but at the same time, we’re aware that they need us less and less. It’s hard!

    • 27
      Lucy At Home

      Yes I’m sure your relationship to them as they grow up plays a big part in how much they want you to be involved as an adult. I still pass all my big (and often small) decisions by my mum – I just love chatting things through with her. L

  6. 28
    Carolina Twin Mom / Mary Peterson

    Ok, I am covered in chill bumps and have an enormous lump in my throat. I too think about the days that will come far too soon when my children will roll their eyes at me and not see me as the center of their universes. Sometimes at night, I’ll hug my children tightly in their beds and say, “Promise me you will always give me hugs like this.” It’ s tough to think of them growing up, but it’s part of the natural progression of life, I guess! Thank you for a lovely read.
    #BloggerClubUK

  7. 32
    Rachel @ Coffee, Cake, Kids

    This is a lovely post. I’m in my 30s now and recently moved 130 miles away from my mum, who is my best friend. We still speak every single day but it’s made me realise just how much I need her still, even as a ‘grown up’. I hope my little boys still feel like that about me when they are all grown up. #sharingthebloglove

    • 33
      Lucy At Home

      I live really far away from my parents too, but they still play a big part in my life. I love chatting things through with them and I hope my kids will do the same with me when they’re older. Thank you for commenting, Rachel. L

  8. 35
    claire

    It makes me sad to think these days will come. My mother in law randomly buys us things, clothes for the boys, an extra tin of beans or pack of biscuits if they’re on bogof when they do their weekly shop etc, I never roll my eyes or feel insulted by the fact she still feels the need to feed/take care of us (husband, really) because I know it matters to her, because of precisely this reason. Thanks for sharing xx #sharingthebloglove

  9. 37
    Kellie - Hooray for Moms

    Oh, this brought tears to my eyes. My kids are so young now, but I already can’t bear the thought of them moving out. I even told my 8-year-old that he can’t move out, but he quickly told me he needed to go to college (SO PROUD!!!) and came up with idea that we could have a huge house and his dad and I would have one floor, he would have one floor, his brother would have one floor, and our pets would have another floor. I told him that would work for me. We laughed it off knowing good and well he’ll move out one day, but inside my heart hurts at the thought of not seeing him every day. I shall embrace the time we have together now!
    #SharingtheBlogLove

  10. 39
    five little doves

    Oh gosh this made me quite emotional!! I can relate to all of this, I worry so much about them leaving home and moving on. My eldest is twelve and already I can see that he is spreading his wings and needing us less, it breaks my heart!! #sharingthebloglove

    • 40
      Lucy At Home

      It happen so quickly, doesn’t it. One minute you’re exhausted because they need you to do everything for them, and the next, they’re all grown up and independent. My 2 year old is currently in the “Me do it!” stage and I’m having to accept that she’s not a baby anymore. Sigh!

  11. 44
    Natalie

    Love this post, I always remember when my elder sister went away to university (5 hours from where we lived) for weeks after my parents were moping around the house so sad. It must be so hard to see your baby move on without you. I’m dreading it! #sharingthebloglove

    • 45
      Lucy At Home

      Oh I am totally dreading it too! My parents were the same when I went to university (I was the eldest of 3) – apparently no-one was even allowed in my old room for over a year (even though my younger brothers were having to share a room!)

  12. 46
    Suchitra

    Oh what a lovely post. I have been reading so much of your writing. I really love your writing, content, and all. (going to start following you too now :)). I felt so much of your emotion here as I read through your thoughts. I feel the same with my kids but mostly, I was thinking about my mother and how while I haven’t forgotten her of course and love her dearly, I could always do better by her. Absolutely heartfelt post. I loved it. #BloggerClubUK

    • 47
      Lucy At Home

      Sorry it’s taken me so long to reply, but thank you for such a LOVELY comment, Suchitra. You’ve just made my day!

      Yes I think it helps me to understand my parents a bit more to think how I will feel when my kids are grown up too. It feels like it’s ages away, but at the same time, I can feel the time slipping through my fingers a lot faster than I ever imagined.

  13. 51
    Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons

    Beautiful post! There is such a tension between wanting them to grow up and be independent, but still wanting them to need you! I’m really close to both my parents and I hope that my relationship with my son is the same when he reaches my age. Thanks so much for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  14. 53
    Annette, 3 Little Buttons

    What a beautiful post, I have tears in my eyes! I know exactly what you mean. Whilst we are super excited for their journeys into the future, there’s a teeny part that wishes we could hold onto them forever. Ok, well actually a huge part. Thanks so much for sharing with the #dreamteam x

  15. 56
    Nicky Kentisbeer

    Beautiful! I always hope that our daughter comes to us because she wants to rather that seeing it as an ‘obligation’ and that she remembers where home is. There were always be an extra spud ………… #PoCoLo

  16. 61
    Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies

    I understand these fears completely, I went through these emotions for years. But, here I am with my daughter married to a man who travels, so she moves back in for weeks at a time! I have 4 dogs to cuddle and the dream of grandchildren too. It’s the fear of the unknown tho’ and it never seems to stop. At the moment my son has a new job that is taking him to San Fransisco for a while. What if he decides to move to America? I can’t bare it! xx

  17. 63
    kate

    Ooh this makes me so sad. I get so caught up with not having enough time for anything, but I know that all too soon my kids will grow up and I will have all the time in the world. Something tells me it won’t be all it’s cracked up to be after all… Great post xx #blogcrush

  18. 64
    Anne

    I wish my grown up kids would forget me and go and get their own lives!! (only joking ((a bit))) These are the best days, cherish every moment. x
    #blogcrush

  19. 65
    Sara @ Magical Mama Blog

    This hits so close to home for me! I am constantly reminding myself to soak up every moment with my sweet baby girl while she’s tiny and still wants to be around me. Once she becomes a sassy teenager, then a wife and mother herself, she won’t fit on my lap and snuggle into my neck.
    It’s so bittersweet watching them grow so quickly!
    #BlogCrush

  20. 66
    Margaret Langan

    You speak to my heart! I keep thinking about how to keep the kids engaged with us when they’re grown. I’ll miss them so, and I know they won’t miss me the same way. But I hope they’ll still want to spend time with me! #blogcrush

  21. 67
    Alicia Owen

    I needed to read this right now. My kids have been driving me CRAZY lately! (Also two girls. Also 5 and 2.) I still look forward to them growing up, in a way, but dread it in others. #BlogCrush

  22. 68
    Noleen Miller

    My kids are now in that preteen stage – although they still need me I know there is going to come a stage in their life when they are going to be fully independent and live their own lives. But for now I will cherish every moment, every cuddle, hug and kisses #blogcrush

  23. 69
    Liberty Henwick

    I know I will be so torn between missing them and allowing them their own space. i will want to call them probably more than they want to be called! My mum isn’t great in getting in touch but she always appreciates it when I do. #Blogcrush

  24. 71
    Alice | Letters to my Daughter

    I definitely flit between the two feelings on a regular basis! My friends’ parents always seemed desperate for them to ‘fly the nest’ but my mum has always been the sort to want to keep us as close as possible for as long as possible. I’m not sure how I’ll be when Dee is older! #BlogCrush

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