To The Mum Facing An Unexpected Pregnancy


TO THE MUM FACING AN UNEXPECTED PREGNANCY:

I want to let you know that you’re not the first and you won’t be the last.

You’re frightened – I understand that. This wasn’t what you expected. This isn’t what you saw in your near future, maybe you didn’t see it in your future at all. It’s going to change everything.

But you can do this. You are a woman and we women are strong!

Unexpected pregnancy - baby holding blue baby shoe - photo taken by aditya-romansa

Photo by Aditya Romansa on Unsplash

Feeling guilty about an unexpected pregnancy

Maybe you feel guilty. Perhaps even flooded with guilt – one rash decision will impact you for the rest of your life. You wish you had remembered what you had to lose before getting into this mess. It’s strange to think that one decision, one act, can alter the whole trajectory of your life. You are berating yourself for not protecting what you had and now jeopardising the “normal” that you had created and loved.

There’s probably some anger mixed in there too. Anger at yourself. Anger at your partner. Anger at life for making you pay for your one moment of weakness.

Maybe your contraceptive failed you. Maybe you were lost in the heat of the moment. Maybe you still have no idea how this happened.

Life can feel so desperately bewildering and cruel.

And even as you hiss this truth under your breath, you are crushed by shame for feeling such negativity towards a child not yet born. You wonder if you will ever love your baby, or whether you will live to regret this moment for the rest of your life. What if the bond never comes? What if you accidentally become one of those mothers who holds her child responsible for her own mistakes?

I’m sure you have friends with empty arms – women who are desperate to have a child of their own, desperate to be in the position you have found yourself in.

The guilt is almost too much to bear as you see yourself unhappy with the one gift they are yearning for.

Unexpected pregnancy - pregnant woman sat alone - photo take by chris-benson

Photo by Chris Benson on Unsplash

You are not alone

I understand all that. You are not a monster. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are in very different stages of life and her pain does not make this any more or less painful for you.

This is your unexpected pregnancy so try to focus on what you need right now. If you need to grieve, then do it. If you need to ignore the truth for a while, then do it. If you need to spill your heart out to someone, then select that person wisely and do it (or feel free to message me if you wish).

Your instinct may be to rush out and end the pregnancy immediately, but making any final decisions while you are still experiencing such heightened emotions may be unwise. There are still plenty of weeks before you will begin to “show”. Give yourself time. Live with the situation for a while and see where this journey could take you.

I’m sorry this has happened. I’m sorry you are feeling scared. I know the wait is agonising and that as much as you try to think about other things, the weight of fear is always there, haunting your dreams, preying on your fears, taunting your mind.

I wish I could make it all go away. I wish I could reassure that it will all work out in the end – and the truth is, it probably will – but I know those words seem empty and hollow right now.

Right now, the only thing I can offer is a listening ear and these simple words to tell you that I know how you feel and you are not alone.

 

Have you ever had to face an unexpected pregnancy? Was it the horrendous future that you had anticipated? What advice would you give to someone in this situation? Let’s share our experiences in the comments below to help and empower other women out there who may be facing this anxious time…

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To The Mum Facing An Unexpected Pregnancy, I kno w you might not feel up to making your unplanned pregnancy announcement yet, but let me assure you you're not alone. Lot's of people have felt the way you do. That doesn't make it any easier to come to terms with but unexpected preganancy stories are common. Let me hear yours

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Lucy At Home

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24 Comments

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  1. 1
    Tracey Abrahams

    My second child was an unexpected baby. Very unexpected, I was 5 months pregnant before I realised. Although I had all the fears that you describe above I feel quite lucky that because I had already felt him move (yeah, thats how I realised I was pregnant, when I saw a little foot kick my belly, very freaky!!) I loved him instantly and knew somehow it would work out. #BlogCrush

  2. 3
    Kelly-Anne

    This is such a beautifully written post! My sister has had an unexpected pregnancy and she was feeling so guilty about it, and this carried on for weeks! It was because she has only just has her daughter. But I hope that this post helps other women that have unexpected pregnancies! #BlogCrush

  3. 4
    Bellissimamma

    My second son was an “unexpected pregnancy”. The age gap between my two boys is rather small. Right now I am dealing with a two-year-old and a nine-month-old. I can relate to the feelings of anger and guilt when I learned that I was pregnant. But now, I am very thankful to have my little Lucas in my life and I love him with all my heart. My husband and I learned our lesson: Use contraception especially when on a tropical vacation in Siargao! LOL!

  4. 8
    The Dad Effect

    Thanks this is well written and while I can’t relate personally my wife went through this with our eldest (my step son). She was 19 at the time and while she does t resent our son who is adorable, the presence of his bio-father in our lives (who we have a functional but cold relationship with) s a bit like having your own personal Cold War, knowing that you’re potentially only ever the Misunderstanding away from a legal challenge. Once again thanks for sharing #BlogCrush

  5. 11
    Liberty Henwick

    Lovely post and I also hope that many women feel encouraged after reading it to take time over their decisions and to talk to someone who they can trust. There are few things more precious than a new life. #Blogcrush

  6. 12
    Liberty Henwick

    Such a lovely and sensitive post, I also hope that many women are encouraged to take their time over making any decisions and to talk to someone. There’s few things more precious than a new life. #Blogcrush

  7. 14
    Rhyming with Wine

    I’ve never had an unexpected pregnancy, and so I can only imagine how terrifying and isolating it must feel to find yourself faced with so many monumental and life changing choices. I think this is so heartfelt and open Lucy and it will bring strength to anyone who reads and needs your kind words and reassurance. Thanks for hosting #blogcrush lovely xx

  8. 16
    Alice | Letters to my Daughter

    My Dee was unexpected. My main concern was that my husband (then fiance) had said he never wanted children, but as soon as I told him he was over the moon. It was terrifying though and overwhelming. I’d seen children in my future but not ‘right now’. It’s all worked out ok though and I have a beautiful, clever, funny little girl who we wouldn’t have had if it hadn’t been for that one little accident. <3 #BlogCrush

  9. 17
    Soffy

    My first pregnancy was unexpected, I was in the middle of completing my Masters at university. Although I was happy and accepted it quite quickly there’s no doubt it was a shock, I was more worried about what people will think which is stupid, I know! My advice to women who experience an unexpected pregnancy would be to just take each day as it comes, yes your world changes drastically but it is you who is able to turn the tables for either the positive or negative, just believe in yourself! #BlogCrush

  10. 18
    Helena

    This is something that is barely touched upon by media magazines and it’s great to see that bloggers aren’t afraid of writing posts like this that show people aren’t alone. #BlogCrush

  11. 19
    Lisa Pomerantz

    Wow. I have not read a lot about this. I imagine it would be quite the rollercoaster of emotions for all involved, especially the momma. Wonderful post, and I am certain you are helping many people with it… #blogcrush

  12. 22
    Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons

    Such a thoughtful and well written post. Both of my boys were very much planned, but we are very much done at 2, and I know how I’d feel if I were to become pregnant now, and I know how guilty that would then make me feel. I hope this gives courage and support to anyone who needs it reading this. Thanks for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

  13. 23
    Mackenzie Glanville

    I think it is so important to write this and for us women to stand together, the decision to have baby is a huge one and when the choice is taken away it is only natural to feel a whole lot of different ways all at once. All my pregnancies were desperately wanted and something that didn’t come easy, but I can not imagine being faced with something so huge happening and changing your life without planning for it. Wonderful post Thank you for joining us for #ablogginggoodtime

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