TO THE MUM FACING AN UNEXPECTED PREGNANCY:
I want to let you know that you’re not the first and you won’t be the last.
You’re frightened – I understand that. This wasn’t what you expected. This isn’t what you saw in your near future, maybe you didn’t see it in your future at all. It’s going to change everything.
But you can do this. You are a woman and we women are strong!
Feeling guilty about an unexpected pregnancy
Maybe you feel guilty. Perhaps even flooded with guilt – one rash decision will impact you for the rest of your life. You wish you had remembered what you had to lose before getting into this mess. It’s strange to think that one decision, one act, can alter the whole trajectory of your life. You are berating yourself for not protecting what you had and now jeopardising the “normal” that you had created and loved.
There’s probably some anger mixed in there too. Anger at yourself. Anger at your partner. Anger at life for making you pay for your one moment of weakness.
Maybe your contraceptive failed you. Maybe you were lost in the heat of the moment. Maybe you still have no idea how this happened.
Life can feel so desperately bewildering and cruel.
And even as you hiss this truth under your breath, you are crushed by shame for feeling such negativity towards a child not yet born. You wonder if you will ever love your baby, or whether you will live to regret this moment for the rest of your life. What if the bond never comes? What if you accidentally become one of those mothers who holds her child responsible for her own mistakes?
I’m sure you have friends with empty arms – women who are desperate to have a child of their own, desperate to be in the position you have found yourself in.
The guilt is almost too much to bear as you see yourself unhappy with the one gift they are yearning for.
You are not alone
I understand all that. You are not a monster. Try not to be too hard on yourself. You are in very different stages of life and her pain does not make this any more or less painful for you.
This is your unexpected pregnancy so try to focus on what you need right now. If you need to grieve, then do it. If you need to ignore the truth for a while, then do it. If you need to spill your heart out to someone, then select that person wisely and do it (or feel free to message me if you wish).
Your instinct may be to rush out and end the pregnancy immediately, but making any final decisions while you are still experiencing such heightened emotions may be unwise. There are still plenty of weeks before you will begin to “show”. Give yourself time. Live with the situation for a while and see where this journey could take you.
I’m sorry this has happened. I’m sorry you are feeling scared. I know the wait is agonising and that as much as you try to think about other things, the weight of fear is always there, haunting your dreams, preying on your fears, taunting your mind.
I wish I could make it all go away. I wish I could reassure that it will all work out in the end – and the truth is, it probably will – but I know those words seem empty and hollow right now.
Right now, the only thing I can offer is a listening ear and these simple words to tell you that I know how you feel and you are not alone.
Have you ever had to face an unexpected pregnancy? Was it the horrendous future that you had anticipated? What advice would you give to someone in this situation? Let’s share our experiences in the comments below to help and empower other women out there who may be facing this anxious time…