Why Can’t She Stop Growing Up?!

My five year old daughter is growing up! Today she went to a birthday party all by herself! I know it might not seem like a momentous occasion but it’s just another sign that she’s growing up. Instead of passing the time chatting to the other mums, I dropped her off and went home.

Growing Up Is Hard To Watch

As I waved goodbye and got into my car, I had a pang of panic.

  • Would she be okay?
  • Was I doing the right thing leaving her?
  • What if she got left out?
  • What if she didn’t understand the games?

I had to remind myself that she’s used to being without me. She fends for herself every day at school. She knows most of the children at the party. But still it felt different today.

School is non-negotiable; she has to go. The party was a social occasion.

This time, she was leaving me by choice.

Growing Up Party Invite

Now I’m not saying for a minute that she should stay by my side for the rest of her life. It’s just that, it was hard enough when she started school. Suddenly there was this big chunk of her day that I didn’t know anything about. But it seems like I’m losing more and more hours; after school clubs, youth groups, and now parties.

18 months ago, I could have given you a blow-by-blow account of her entire day – where she went, what she ate, who she talked to. I was a stay at home mum – I saw all her firsts, and witnessed all her triumphs.

Now she’s her own person.

She has friends that I only know by name. I have no idea what she does in school.  She has interests that I know nothing about.

You Go Girl!

I want her to grow. I want her to flourish. I am proud of the way that she is learning to negotiate social situations. I am pleased when I hear how capable she is.

But it still tugs at my heart a bit.

It’s a one-way journey, this parenting thing. We’re slowly equipping our dearest belongings with the tools they need to leave us. We’re teaching them how not to need us!

I feel this constant battle – a proud smile lighting my face, and a cold ache in my heart – every time she shows me how much she is growing up.

She won’t have a clue about any of this, of course.  I’m just confiding in you. She will just see her beaming mummy, her biggest cheerleader, encouraging her to go for it; to keep moving forward and keep pushing her limits. I am determined that she will be independent, confident, and capable.

But all the same, I wish I could keep her close forever…

3 Little Buttons




Add yours
  1. 1

    Oh my heart went out to you with this because that first party is the start of a recurring pattern going forward. And this is the hardest thing about being a mummy – we want them to grow and to flourish and do everything they should but we are not best equipped to handle it emotionally. As you know, mine are teens and my oldest turns 18 this year – she’s making huge strides in living life on her own – and so she should – but it’s so tough!! Lovely post and I wish I could keep mine close forever too lovely x #MarvMondays

    • 2
      Lucy At Home

      Thank you. I feel like she’s making such huge strides forward at the moment. It’s great and I’m really proud of her (I wouldn’t want her to be clingy and want me to tag along all the time), but it’s just another sign that she’s growing up. Eek!

  2. 4
    Charlotte | Baking Betsy

    I have a daughter the same age so I know how you’re feeling! Boo had a playdate just before Christmas and this was the first time it was just her, and her brother and I weren’t welcome. It was lovely, but weird! It’s so bittersweet, isn’t it?

    • 5
      Lucy At Home

      Yes well the only reason I left her this time was because just before Christmas, I took her to a party and just walked straight in, as I had for every other party for the last 5 years…only to realise that I wasn’t meant to stay and all the other parents had gone home. It was embarrassing! Haha! But it hadn’t even occurred to me to leave her. I guess she’s growing up quicker than I realised!

  3. 6
    Fran Back With A Bump

    This is lovely and it’s a mixture of emotions isn’t it? I remember the relief of dropping mine at parties and not having to be the awkward mum who didn’t know anyone, but equally it’s that “she doesn’t need me” feeling too but then feeling proud of her confidence. Thanks for joining #marvmondays as always! x

  4. 9
    Rhyming with Wine

    Oh my! I had a little lump in my throat reading this. My little one is 4 but as she was a September baby I have been able to pinch her for a little bit longer as she won’t start school until this September. I’m aching at the thought of waving her off to big school, and the idea of her having her own social calendar both excites me and fills me with nerves too! I love to watch her play with little friends at soft play etc but it always breaks my heart when I see her wanting to be “best friends” with someone that is less keen. Thank you for sharing this with #DreamTeam lovely x

    • 10
      Lucy At Home

      Oh yes I hate that too – when my daughter was little, she was always trying to make friends with the older children at the park, and you could see they just didn’t want to play with a little 4 year old. I used to force myself to stay put on my bench because it was a good learning experience for her, but everything within me wanted to scoop her up and yell at those kids what a loving, loyal, funny little friend they were missing out on!

  5. 11

    Ahh being a Mummy is so hard isn’t it! Like you said we want them to grow up and become amazing little people but then at the same time it’s hard seeing our baby dissappear and grow up. I hope your daughter had a lovely time and that you’re OK now 🙂 xx #marvmondays

  6. 13

    Oh Gosh, I don’t know if I’ll cope! I already fret about my little one and I’m planning his first birthday party! I hope she had a good time. I’m starting to understand how time flies. #CoolMumClub

  7. 15

    Since school starting in September I’ve been in a real quandry about these parties in which you drop off with people you just met 3 months ago. She on the other hand is totally cool with it…it’s a massive step!
    Thanks for sharing with #coolmumclub

  8. 18
    Pat Jones

    Oh, I know what you mean. We’ve a ten-month-old (and her four-year-old brother) at the moment that is starting to get more mobile. Each favourite outfit being discarded in a matter of weeks is heart-breaking. I could happily keep her strapped in her cot or buggy until she’s a teenager. 🙂

+ Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.