My Name Is Lucy And I Am A Middle Class Fraud
I’m middle class. Or at least that’s what you’d think if you met me. I am well-educated, live in a nice area, enjoy eating out at restaurants and walking in the countryside. I play the flute and am a stay at home mum by choice.
But I’m a fraud.
What you see may look like the comfortable living of a UK middle class family. But it’s actually the strategic spending of a family of four who live on a precariously low income.
Every in-going and out-going is carefully monitored and budgeted down to the last penny.
Peer pressure
I feel so keenly the pressure to “keep up”.
I’ve never been one to care about peer pressure but it’s different now that I’m a mum. I want to give my kids the absolute best start that I possibly can, providing them with good opportunities and setting them up for the future.
The house needs to be spotless in case our 2yo decides to lick the carpet! We need to eat at posh restaurants to expose our children to culture and good food (fish fingers and chips just won’t cut it anymore – halloumi cheese is where it’s at!) The children need to extend their learning and development by attending a wide range of extra curricular activities.
I want all of this for my precious children… but we just can’t afford it.
The thought of holding my children back because we can’t provide for them adequately is heartbreaking.
False ideals
Of course I know that a lot of these ideas are ridiculous – Charis will not drop dead if the house is a little messy, and Jenny will not fail at life because she doesn’t go to gymnastics. But there are a lot of experts and fellow parents out there who would make you believe that is the case.
As parents, we spend a lot of time feeling judged. We’re all trying our best, but society / social media / childcare experts / older generations / non-parents / etc, are great at pointing out our weaknesses and failings.
We feel under constant scrutiny. So we play our part.
We sign them up to the sports clubs. We lavish them with gifts at Christmas. We pay for the organic food option and go on exotic holidays.
I’m a middle class fraud
But actually, this isn’t our family. We are not middle class. We don’t have disposable income. We can’t afford to do much of it at all.
But we’re determined not to be beaten. We’ve worked around the lack of finances and created a life that is comfortable. It takes a lot of careful planning to maintain and there are times that we long for more, but we’re happy. We’re on the up. We’re content with our life choices.
- We carefully substitute exotic holidays with day trips or family sleepovers at Nana and Grandad’s
- We lovingly wrap lots of Christmas presents by buying them second hand from charity shops
- We live in a nice village by saving money in other areas (cycling / walking places, free tv channels, hand-me-down clothes)
- We scour the internet for free activity sessions and create our own themed holiday sessions
Punctuate these with a few nice trips out and a well-spoken manner and you have a recipe for success as a middle class fraud.
Middle class ambition
Have I really played the part so well? Can none of you see beyond the smoke screen we’ve created?
If I’m honest, I don’t know if I want you to realise or not. I must admit to feeling a pang of jealousy when you tell me about your holiday plans. Perhaps it would be easier if you knew about the life I’m really leading? But at the same time, I want us to be equals. I don’t want you to pity me or feel like you can’t tell me what’s going on in your life.
Perhaps I should come clean and be honest about just how different our worlds really are?
But I’m not going to. Because I am proud! I am proud of the life we are carving out.
Yes it may not be the real deal (yet), but we’ll get there. We’ll keep working and saving and giving our kids the best opportunities that we possibly can.
And as much as I’d love the money to do everything, by being careful with our finances and making wise choices, we’ve got the opportunity to teach our kids some really important life lessons.
Being realistic about money and living within your means, even when you really want to spend it, requires massive self-discipline. It means assessing what you really want and forgetting the rest. It’s about setting goals and working to achieve those goals.
We are teaching our children be ambitious and to believe that they can make a better future for themselves. We are showing them that you have to make choices in life and that sometimes that means making sacrifices to follow your dreams.
One day…
And I hope that one day we will be able to demonstrate that hard work pays off. Perhaps when we are sat sipping Prosecco on a beautiful foreign beach with our Joules swimwear and the keys to our second home? (Well I can dream, can’t I?!)
So yes, it’s hard. And I guess, right now I’m pretending to be something I’m not. But I wouldn’t change it. I’m happy being a middle class fraud… for now!
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The word fraud seems a bit unfair. You are providing your little ones with the best and the best doesn’t have to cost money. How we judge class can’t be purely on the pay check. #triumphanttales
#triumphanttales better a happy fraud than a miserable real deal. I agree that doing your best is a really hard peer pressure, but when i look back at my own childhood the memories never include expensive objects and are always about people, places and giggles – usually at the expense of my Dad 🙂 your children sound blessed lovely x
i think the pressure these days on ourselves comes from the internet and social media, yet we all know how staged that can be, we also don’t appreciate how much people get into debt to showcase their exotic lifestyles, holidays etc and they certainly don’t share with us the day to day stress and worry of the loans and debts being called in on a daily basis. We struggled when the kids were small, but now have the disposable income to do the exotic things in life, however I do get irritated with certain family members when they accuse me of showing off, rather than celebrating our success and it makes the relationship difficult when i feel i have to constantly hide/lie what i’m up to for fear of upsetting them, yet they fail to realise it’s a two way street and that by doing that it upsets me also and it has damaged the relationship beyond repair #triumphanttales
I can totally relate – we seem like a middle-class family (well educated, good jobs, etc), but in reality, we’re just barely scraping by. That’s mostly due to nursery fees, but whether you choose to pay a fortune to put your child in daycare or stay home and give up an income, kids are expensive, and many of us have to watch our pennies while still striving to give them the best. It can be hard, but all we can do is try our best and attempt not to compare ourselves to other people that we see on blogs and social media. Who knows – they may be struggling too. #ablogginggoodtime
I think lots of people feel this way, I think many on the outside portray a different picture to what may be reality – social media probably has a lot to answer for but then I suspect this was always the case, just in other ways. I very much grew up to live within my means, there wasn’t a great deal of extravagance at all and pennies were watched. I do however thoroughly believe it stood me very well, like you are trying to teach your children I very much value the worth of money, I always live within my means, never overspending and I wholeheartedly appreciate what hard work will get you. I fully believe those were lessons well learnt and it does every child good to learn them. I certainly hope to teach it to my children. #ablogginggoodtime
Children won’t remember what clothes they wore, what toys they played with or what extra curricular Class they attended. They will just remember spending time with you. And that is something that money can’t buy #StayClassyMama
Pretending to be something you are not (or trying to be) won’t ever make you happy – especially if you already know it’s not actually you (as you say in your post). You are showing your children that we have to work hard to get what we want so good on you #ablogginggoodtime
I think fraud is too harsh, everyone has a different personality they adopt when they are exposed on the internet. I was watching a video that my daughter left open on my laptop which was of an American family, with an absolutely HUGE following. The videos just showed snippets of their days as a family, in the car, around the house, in the shops. They were packing to go on holiday in the one I watched and their clothes were all over the place, the house was a mess, and they had to be on their way at 6am the next morning. So what did they do, they played pie face with their kids. Despite everything they had to do they stopped and had some fun with their kids. Which brings me to my point…nothing really matters so long as your kids are happy, money, holiday, expensive toys are nothing compared to attention and love from parents. Everyone wishes they had more, I know I get jealous when I see my friends sunning themselves on some tropical beach. But I wouldn’t swap that for building sandcastle with my kids on a local beach. I aim to be more open like that american family and not mind what others think because it really doesn’t matter. xx
#ablogginggoodtime.
Ahh Lucy….I think many feel like this….but it really doesn’t matter what we have as long as children are loved and well cared for. Children remember love and kind words more than expensive holidays and toys. The best toy I had growing up was my Grandma’s button box! I also think you can be middle class and have no money! That’s usual isn’t it!? We didn’t have much money when the children were younger but then many of my friends didn’t either and as long as they were there for a cuppa, I felt loved and supported. Class is irrelevant. I so think that a uni degree has no reflection on earning power anymore and that is the different between us and our parents. Also mortgages are crazy…..Great post though. Thanks. #Triumphanttales
Does the middle class even exist any more? I don’t know many people with a real disposable income. We all make choices. as long as you are happy with yours then that’s all that matters. Thank you for linking up to #ablogginggoodtime
We’re a bit like this – a low income family living in a big house in a nice area. We have no savings and don’t go on holiday but I think it’s worth it. We’re not trying to keep up appearances, necessarily, just live a life we want. I think class is a bit blurry these days anyway to be fair, but if you’re a fraud, I am too!
#StayClassyMama
I’m not sure that you’re the fraud. I think a lot of people are able to do the lavish holidays and expensive products because they’re leaving above their means. They’re in tremendous debt and barely getting by. My family can’t afford all of those things either. We usually do a trip to the beach every summer, but we drive there (it’s 2 1/2 hours away), and we are usually able to stay somewhere for free. My aunt owns a beach house that she lets us use sometimes, and this year, my husband has a conference at the beach, so his company is paying for our hotel. We only stay for a few days, so we only have to pay for a few meals, and when we stay at my aunt’s place, we can bring groceries and pack our own lunches. We have been to Disney World, but we had to save for 4 years for that trip. It took scraping together every spare penny. So if you’re a fraud, I am too! #ablogginggoodtime
I feel like you just stepped inside my brain and scooped out all the words! I often feel like a fraud too; on the surface we look like a lovely middle class family, but in reality every single penny is budgeted to a T. Part of me wishes we still had our huge pre-kids income, but an even bigger part of me is a total convert now! I will never go back to shopping at Waitrose other than for a really special treat, and I adore the fact that my kids are becoming experts at finding fun everywhere they go, without the need for expensive gadgets. Jeremy Kyle happened to be on in my staff room a few days ago, and a lady with 2 kids was moaning about money. When she said the amount she had coming in monthly I was shocked that it was more than we have, yet she was adamant it wasn’t nearly enough. I think it comes down to how you prioritise and how you carry and conduct yourself. We’re not frauds, we’re doing the best we can in a world that wants us to be super materialistic. Love this post so much for its total honesty!!! #ablogginggoodtime
Lucy, I disagree and I hope I don’t offend you but I don’t see it as you being a fraud. You’re labelling something that doesn’t need labelling. You are just being the best parent that you can be and are giving your children the best chance in life – that’s just wonderful and should be applauded. Oh and when you get that second home I’m coming to the housewarming my lovely!! Joking aside though, I think we are all trying to give our children that little bit more than we can give. Sometimes we get caught up in what is expected but actually to ake a step back and focus on what actually really matters like love, health and family then everything else will fall into place hopefully. A thought provoking post though! #ablogginggoodtime
As the other comments not a fraud, but like us all trying to make the money go further than it should go. but these special days we give our children will be the memories they treasure #stayclassymama
Oh I love this! I think most of us are middle-class frauds in one way or another. I’ve seen up close what trying to keep up with the Jones does to people, and it is not nice. Never ever heading down that route. What matters is the time you spend with your children. #ablogginggoodtime
The problem with social media is that it opens up peoples homes to everyone else, so in turn opens up an unfortunate amount of comparison.
When I was younger my step-dad worked three jobs and walked around without a coat and hole in his shoes just to make ends meet and rather than a “Gameboy” my mum got us a “game-man.” It let me appreciate what we had and what I am fortunate enough to buy now. I know I’ll instill these values in Ben and I’m sure your little one’s appreciate everything you do for them whether it costs an extortionate amount or nothing.
Thank you for sharing this with us at #TriumphantTales. I hope to see you back next week.
Sounds like you actually are middle class to me , middle class has changed a lot from what it used to be and I’m fairly certain if people were to ‘come out’ you’d find that they are in a very similar situation : ). Loved this post it really highlights how much pressure we put on ourselves to be perfect and live ‘the dream’ I feel exactly the same! Thanks for sharing with #StayClassyMama!
Yup. I completely understand where you’re coming from here. No one quite gets the secret sacrifices we make as a family in order to look better off than we are! It’s ridiculous really because I didn’t think I cared about any of it. I do, I care about holidays and I miss going out for a meal and buying new things without thinking whether or not it means we’ll be eating beans on toast for tea all week. I think I notice more when people ask me to go places that I simply can’t justify paying for while Hugo’s so small and on’t get much out of it. We all keep a little smoke screen going, the actual middle class are trying to make us think they are better off than they are too. You’re certainly not alone. #StayClassyMama
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