I’ve just set up an Instagram account.
You probably already know because you’ll have had a notification from some randomer called lucyathomeblog with only 1 sorry picture on her account, and no followers! Haha.
But here’s the problem – I hate new things!
I hate trying new foods. I hate visiting new places. I hate trying new activities. And now I’ve discovered that I also hate opening new social media accounts (okay it wasn’t much of a discovery because I could have told you this before I even started!)
I don’t know why I suddenly took the plunge this evening. Perhaps it was a sugar rush from the ridiculous amount of Krispy Kreme donuts I’ve just consumed! But the idea popped into my head and I decided to just go for it before I talked myself out of it.
Because, you see, I’m very good at talking myself out of things.
Twenty minutes after my moment of bravery, and I feel sick to my stomach. My palms are sweaty, my heart is racing, and I’m questioning my entire back catalogue of life choices.
The problem is, I’m afraid. Terrified, even!
I’m terrified of doing “it” wrong (whatever “it” is). I honestly can’t tell you what terrible thing I think is going to happen, but I just know that I’m scared of it.
I’m worried that I’m going to make a fool of myself.
I don’t know how Instagram works. I’m not sure what the etiquette is if someone comments on one of my photos. What if my photos are really rubbish compared to everyone else’s? What sort of thing should I include in my bio? What if I accidentally click on something I shouldn’t?
I’m a perfectionist. I always have been.
And I’m scared stiff of failure.
I seem to have this idea that I should know how to do stuff; that I should already be an expert. It’s not arrogance. It’s just that I have these ridiculously high expectations of myself. I can’t be seen to be unsure because then I’ll be vulnerable. I might make a mistake and Lucy HATES making mistakes. So instead I just stick with what I know – my areas of expertise.
Nothing new. No branching out. Safe and secure.
I guess you could say I self-limit my life…
…It’s actually pretty painful to acknowledge that and write it down.
Sitting here, in the comfort of my living room, it seems ridiculous that I am getting so worked up about a web application. What am I so afraid of? I’m trying to ask myself the question; trying to pursue that train of thought so that I can write it down and let you know.
But instead, my brain shuts down, blocking my line of enquiry.
Don’t question why, it says, just trust me – this is too scary for you. You can’t do it. You’re going to look like an idiot.
I am trying to remind myself that this is exactly how I felt when I set up my little Twitter space just 11 short months ago. I went through all the same questions and anxieties…
But this time I feel more exposed because people know my name and will see me get it wrong. Whereas before, I was an unknown so there were no expectations and I could make all my mistakes in blissful anonymity!
I’m frustrated that I don’t know what I’m doing. I feel like I’m back at square one again.
Conquer the fear
But today I triumphed over the fear! Lucy At Home finally has it’s own Instagram account, and 12 lovely followers (thanks guys!).
Yes I feel sick. Yes I am desperately fighting the urge to grab my phone, delete the account, and run up to bed, pretending that nothing ever happened!
But I’ve done it.
Please be patient with me – I’m undoubtedly going to make some Insta faux pas! This is all new to me, and as much as I like to tell myself that I should know what I’m doing… I totally don’t!
“Winging it” would be a more accurate phrase!
Any help, tips, advice, suggestions, and follows (obvs!) GRATEFULLY received! Thanks.
Love, Lucy x