I didn’t cope well today. I can’t put my finger on the exact cause – it seems to have been a myriad of small issues that united to form a great big, overwhelming wall of annoyance and stress. The baby woke up early, the breakfast cereal was spilt, the children kept bickering with each other, I managed to create a culinary disaster at lunchtime…I could go on.
No one of us is to blame – we all contributed in our own small way. But I didn’t cope well. The situation got on top of me. I felt my stress levels rise. I knew I couldn’t take another incident. And then I yelled.
I really wish I hadn’t. I try my best to treat my children with respect and dignity…but it just came out. And I always feel guilty when it happens. I am the adult. I should be modelling how to deal effectively and maturely with difficult situations. I have 25 years worth of life lessons on them.
But, despite the guilt that my conscience is determined to torture me with, I will CHOOSE to forgive myself. I did my best with the resources (physical and mental) I had available at the time. I apologised to my daughters for my behaviour. I am resolved to do better next time. I don’t know if I’ll manage it, but I will try. I am a try-er. I will keep on trying. My daughters will see me trying and know that trying to be a better person is a worthy goal. I will try again tomorrow.