Premature Announcement Disclosure

Have you ever been the victim of ‘Premature Announcement Disclosure’ or P.A.D. ? It’s a phrase I’ve just invented to describe that infuriating moment when someone else BLABS your big news!

You know the feeling when you’ve been ACHING to get to that coffee date with your mates so you can finally tell them about your new job, or show them your new hair, or even whisper those magical words, “I’m pregnant”?…. But then you arrive, and someone’s already told them. THAT’S Premature Announcement Disclosure.

The Tell-Tales

I have one friend in particular who prides herself on being the first to know everything, and then divulging it to everyone else.

It’s understandable, really – when people hear a really interesting bit of news for the first time, their reactions are brilliant to watch. There’s shock or excitement or envy or anger. It invokes a response, often a strong one. The storyteller feels pleased with themselves for sparking their interest and for enlightening them with some new information. The hearers are appreciative of the report and ask questions, making the informant look even more knowledgeable and further boosting their self-esteem. Who wouldn’t want that?!

But what if you’re the person on the other side? What if you’re the one that the story REALLY belonged to? What if you had been looking forward to telling everybody and seeing their reactions? What if you weren’t around to experience that all-important announcement to your nearest and dearest?announcement boy shout

I must confess that I can’t help but type this post with a degree of anger and sorrow about a particularly difficult time when this happened to me. But more on that later…

Facebook: The Rise of Premature Announcement Disclosure

Of course, I’m sure history is littered with those annoying ‘Tell-Tales’; the ones who just couldn’t bite their tongue and HAD to pass on the gossip. But the rise of Facebook has led to a Premature Announcement Disclosure Epidemic!

There are plenty of competent Facebook-ers in the older generations, but there are also plenty who just haven’t grasped the concept of ‘public’ and ‘private’. This is my only explanation for the startling number of seemingly well-meaning people who post on a new mummy’s wall something along the lines of, “Congratulations on the birth of John Mark. I hope you are both doing well.” WHEN IT HASN’T BEEN ANNOUNCED YET!!!!! Arrrgh! It is one of my pet hates!

Don’t they realise that they’ve just told the ENTIRE WORLD that the baby has been born, when the poor mother is still sucking on her gas and air and hasn’t managed to inform Great Aunty Rita yet?!

Announcing your baby is one of the biggest celebrations in life, and when someone snatches it away from you, it can be heartbreaking! Especially when you are already feeling emotional and vulnerable from giving birth in the first place!

My Story

So I guess you’re wondering what my story is. Well, I guess so far, I’ve written this post with a fair splash of fury, but to be honest, that’s to cover up the deep pain that I still feel from the day that MY announcement was stolen by somebody else.

I had my baby late on Tuesday Night. Things had gone well and by 6am the next morning, I was home. We told all our friends and family (and yes we managed to post it on Facebook before anyone else gave the game away!) and things were going well.

However, in the early hours of Sunday morning, there were complications and I was suddenly rushed back into hospital. It was a terrifying experience as doctors discussed over my hospital bed whether I should be sent for surgery immediately or whether it would be better to see how I progressed. In the end, they chose the latter and we returned home at about lunchtime. We were tired. We were shaken. We were emotional.

My friend saw us park up in the drive and came over. I couldn’t speak to her as I hobbled into the house, but, when I finally settled myself on the settee, I realised my baby hadn’t come in with my husband. What had actually happened was this:

My friend had whisked her away to our church building which is just down the street to show her to everyone at morning church!

At this point, only very close family had been introduced to our new bundle of joy. Now all my church friends had seen her, and I hadn’t been there to experience it.

I had been relishing visiting people, to ‘show her off’. I had been looking forward to them cooing over her and pronouncing how much she looks like me. Isn’t that what all new parents want to do? I had spent nine hard months growing this baby, and now I wanted to display the fruit of my labour (pun definitely intended!).

It’s not even like I had work colleagues to visit and have a second shot at it all because I was already a Stay At Home Mummy, so a large majority of my friends were in that building.

I know I’m too sentimental. I always have been. But I feel cheated. She was mine. My precious daughter. I should have been able to choose when to share her with the world. For those few days, she just belonged to us, to our family. And that was cut short.

So please, please, PLEASE, don’t be that person – I know it’s hard but keeping the secret is really important. I know you might feel excited and want to pass on the news but it’s really not yours to pass on. Let’s all agree now to put an end to Premature Announcement Disclosure once and for all, and let each of us HAVE OUR DAY when it is rightfully ours!


This post was entered at the following linkies:

3 Little Buttons

Cuddle Fairy

Hot Pink Wellingtons

Diary of an imperfect mum



Add yours
  1. 1

    I’d have felt exactly the same! I can’t believe how some people think it’s ok to behave. I think the problem is that they don’t think! x

    • 2
      Lucy At Home

      I tried to give them the benefit of the doubt in my post and think that they didn’t understand what they were doing (I’ve had a few convos with people who’ve put their home address, phone number, etc on social media without realising everyone could see it), but it’s can be really annoying! And I always feel so sorry for people when I see it happening

  2. 3

    Oh no, that’s awful. I feel for you. They you were in pain and that happened. No wonder you feel cheated. I don’t think people realise what they are doing sometimes #DreamTeam

  3. 4
    Louise (Little Hearts, Big Love)

    Oh no! I’m so sorry that your friend did that – it really wasn’t her place to do so and I’d have been upset by it too. It’s such a special moment to show off your new baby for the first time and it was your place to do that as the new parents, not someone else’s. Premature announcement disclosure drives me mad. I remember when I was pregnant with Sophie, I was planning to announce it to people at church at the church meeting (although I had told a couple of people prior to that, it wasn’t yet generally known). We arrived late that day and as I walked in, one of the welcomers congratulated me and when I looked surprised she said “P (one of the people I had told) announced it during the notices” I have to confess I spent the service in the kitchen trying to calm myself down as I was absolutely livid about it. Why people can’t leave big announcements to the people it concerns unless specifically told otherwise is utterly beyond me. I hope you feel a little better for getting the rant off your chest. #bloggerclubuk

  4. 6
    Mess and Merlot

    Whaaaat? Totally out of order, you have every right to be upset/angry- I’d be furious! Such a selfish thing to do, you are very understanding to give her the benifit of the doubt, she’d be off my Christmas card list for life!! Honestly, some people! #BloggerClubUK

  5. 8

    Im not surprised you are not best pleased – I have no idea what on earth possessed your friend to do that – who walks off with a shiny new born baby without the Mum knowing let alone agreeing to it!! Arrrgh!! I feel your pain lovely – when A was born I had a crash section under a GA and then was really ill so wasn’t awake yet. She was taken out to hubby who text a picture to everyone and about half hour later his & my family descended upon both of them – not only did they all see her first but they all cuddled her first. It is the one thing I still (9yrs later) do not know how to get over!

    • 9
      Lucy At Home

      Oh no! That’s awful that you didn’t even get to cuddle her until after your relatives! That must’ve really stung. I’m not surprised it still hurts a bit. Thank you for sharing. L

  6. 10
    Lex @ mumisthewordblog

    Love love love this. I 100% know many of these people. It’s not a nice feeling when this happens to you, so I wouldn’t do it to someone else. It’s like that type of person just wants people to know that they are ‘in the know’ with everything. I rarely tell that person anything first again, no matter how close they are too much. Trust is a big thing. Nothing worse than a facebook post too. If you wanted to inform the world of something, you’d clearly post yourself hehe! #BloggerClubUK

  7. 13

    Oh my goodness I would have been SO mad. I had someone tell people my pregnancy news and I was so angry (I blogged about it obviously!). I agree with everything you have said..j may share this on my personal fb closer to my due date so no one puts anything in there before we’ve announced it ourselves. Great read xx #BloggerClubUK

    • 14
      Lucy At Home

      I didn’t have my blog at the time (I’m only very new to this) but that’s probably a good thing because, even though it happened almost 2 years ago now, I still really struggled not to write the whole thing in capital letters! hahaha

  8. 15
    Upside Mum

    Some people are oblivious and don’t know why someone would be upset at such things, others just like to be the centre of attention. Either way I think it’s thoughtless and inconsiderate. No wonder you were upset! #bloggerclubuk

    • 16
      Lucy At Home

      Thank you for understanding! I sometimes wonder if I’ve blown it out of proportion (particularly as it still niggles me 2 years on) so it’s good to know that others would have been mad too! Thank you for commenting. L

  9. 17
    Katy - Hot Pink Wellingtons

    I thought the facebook announcers were awful enough, but I’m really shocked at this! To take a small baby away from their mum is bad enough, but to do it without even asking properly is outrageous. I’d have been absolutely livid and I think it would take me an awfully long time to get over something like that (I do find forgiveness very difficult!). Thanks so much for joining us again at #SharingtheBlogLove – sorry you had this experience to be able to share it though!

  10. 19

    I think this is even worse than blabbing the news!! How horrendous for you. My FIL announced out youngest’s first name on dreaded Facebook before we’d settled completely on her middle name. We’d only told our parents. I was so annoyed. Both my SIL’s had posted when I went in to labour – I didn’t really want that sharing either. It was just constant phone beeping after that. I understand people care and want to wish you well, but it is a private thing – or it is to me.
    I’m so sorry someone took those moments away from you. It is the worst time to do that as you’re right you are more emotional and very vulnerable. Xx

    • 20
      Lucy At Home

      Oh you poor thing! To have the labour AND the name announced on FB before you were ready! Yes I totally get that you want to labour to be private – who wants people to picture them in labour?! Thank you for your comment. L

  11. 21
    Bridie By The Sea

    Wow I am still in shock by that – some people just don’t think how you might have been feeling and that it was your daughter to share with the world and show off. I actually had the classic Facebook disclosure before I had even mentioned it to anyone online…I wanted to wait a few days if truth be told and let it just be ‘us’ for a while. But one of my relatives sent me a public message and then it was out! Fab post, so important for people to be reminded to just be a little mindful when announcing news that isn’t your own. Thanks for linking up to #dreamteam hope to see you next week xx

    • 22
      Lucy At Home

      So many people have replied to this saying that their baby announcement appeared on facebook before they were ready! It must be even more common than I thought! I’m sorry to hear that it happened to you too. Such a shame 🙁

  12. 23
    Laura - dear bear and beany

    I can’t actually believe that anyone would think that this is ok. There is so much wrong with it! Firstly who takes a baby away from their mother, who does that without the mum knowing and who thinks that it is ok to show of someone else’s baby! This is just wrong on so many levels. I am so mad for you! I don’t think I would be able to get over something like this. I am so sorry this happened to you. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove Laura x

    • 24
      Lucy At Home

      Yeah I was really upset about it for a long time, but it’s OK now. But I’m glad you are mad about it because my hubby didn’t really understand why I was so cross about it at the time and I thought maybe I was overreacting, but I just couldn’t help it. Thank you for leaving a comment. L

  13. 25
    Mudpie Fridays

    What?! No wonder you wrote this post with some fury, I would have lost it and hobbled over to the church and given her a piece of my mind in front of everyone! Some friend! You poor thing!! My friend announced our first on Facebook with a photo!! Was not impressed needless to say second time round we were a lot more selective over who we told first! #DreamTeam

  14. 27
    Coffee & Bubbles

    Oh. My. God. I would have literally gone Bruce Lee on that person. I cannot believe someone would do this. I feel your anger for you! I’m so sorry you missed out on that experience. #dreamteam

  15. 29
    From Day Dot

    Oh I’m so angry after reading this post – how dare she do that to you! I’m due with my first in November and the thought of anyone taking away those precious memories of showing my baby off for the first time… I hope you had a word with her?! I know some people are oblivious but I don’t think it can be an excuse. I’m sorry you missed that experience and I hope you got to experience a small part of it when your friends saw you and your baby together for the first time #ablogginggoodtime

    • 30
      Lucy At Home

      No I didn’t have a word – I was way too tired and fragile from the birth, and then it felt awkward bringing up later when it was all over and done with. I was really hurt for a long, long time though. My SIL is due in Nov too. I hope it all goes smoothly for you. Thanks for your comment. L

  16. 31

    I’m sorry you had to experience that, I would have been very upset if that had happened to me. It sounds like your friend was very thoughtless and got carried away by the excitment of showing off your baby to all your church friends. If her actions were not malicious and if her friendship was important to you I hope that one day you will be able to talk about this with her and make peace. best wishes #abloggibggoodtime

  17. 33

    Noooooo! Oh I’m so shocked. Who would do that?! Oh I feel so angry for you and I can’t imagine why anyone would think that was the right thing to do. Oh you poor love. You’re so right to have written this though to make people aware of just remembering to be sensitive to others xx #ablogginggoodtime

    • 34
      Lucy At Home

      My hubby (supportive as he is) just didn’t understand why I was so upset so it’s been such a relief that so many other people have reacted to the story as I did. I was worried that I was being too over sensitive, but it has really helped to write about it. Thank you for your support and let’s hope we can put an end to it!

  18. 35

    This has happened to me before. A colleague spread it around that I was expecting before I made a formal announcement. Was not very happy, Sorry about what happened to you. I am so sorry you missed out on sharing your news, That was not nice of that person to take your baby to church without you. #blogginggoodtime

  19. 37

    LOVE this post! And I’m actually quite angry on your behalf! What a thing to do, yes it probably had innocent intentions but those are moments you won’t get back. I have facebook, but I am an intensely private individual and everyone knows this, I had my pregnancy announced publicly and I was furious. I hadn’t even told some of my family yet! Sharing this one! #ablogginggoodtime

  20. 41
    Lisa Savage

    That’s shocking! How dare she! That steps beyond PAD and is tantamount to kidnapping – no matter how good the intentions. You’re right to still be hurt by their thoughtless and frankly selfish actions. Announcing something on FB is one thing, literally taking your newborn child off you without your knowledge is unforgivable!

  21. 43
    Merlinda Little (Glimmer of Hope)

    Can i be honest that i did tis before but as a child. i was probably 12-14. The girl told me how I am no longer her friend for doing this & since then i have learned my lesson. im so sorry that this has happened to you and i am so glad that i am no longer that person. #ablogginggoodtime

  22. 45
    Mummy in a TuTu (@mummyinatutu)

    I’d have been bloody fuming – she had no right to do that!! I hate people who just cannot keep their mouths shut or stop interfering it’s like they steal everyones thunder to survive! I would probably have said something in that kind of emotional state!
    Thanks for linking to #ablogginggoodtime

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