Today’s post is a little poem about being sensitive and being anxious.
I have always been sensitive and picked up on other people’s emotions quickly. But in recent years, this sensitivity has made me anxious. Having a constant stream of extra information about how someone is feeling makes it difficult to focus on what I want to say. I worry about causing upset if I’m not saying what people want to hear. I have worry about being the reason that someone is unhappy or struggling.
As a sensitive person, I know how horrible it is when someone says something hurtful without thinking. I don’t want to do that to someone else.
Being sensitive means that I recognise a person’s feelings even when they are trying to keep them hidden. I can hear when they are frustrated with me, and I can see when I have upset them. I am constantly evaluating if I’m saying the “right” thing and trying to gauge people’s reactions.
It is exhausting!
A lot of the time, I wish I could just switch it off. This is my superpower.
I have a little superpower
I have a little super power I wish that wasn’t there
For I cannot help but use it though it drives me to despair.
I have a canny nack, you see, for reading people’s minds:
A facial twitch, a small eye-flit – I’m clocking all the signs.
It’s a skill I’ve quite perfected and rely on every day.
I do not use it consciously, it’s just become my way.
We speak and I continually monitor your thoughts
To see if you agree or actually hate my little discourse.
You’d think that, being a telepath, I’d be at an advantage;
A friend would struggle with her words, my superpower I’d brandish.
But it doesn’t seem to work like that. In fact, I’m all at sea.
I get myself tied up in knots. I know too much, you see.
I notice when you disagree, I see you disapprove.
I find it hard to carry on and make my counter-move.
It stops me in my tracks when I can tell you’re not on board.
I stumble over all my words. I’m well and truly floored.
I wish that I could use my gift to help out those I love,
To be the friend who “gets it” no matter what we speak of.
Superpowers work like that. Everybody knows.
You swoop in there and save the day and then get hailed a hero.
But mine just isn’t like that. In fact it’s very different.
It means I don’t know what to think. I’m lost and inconsistent.
I’m scared to speak my truth. I’m scared to voice my point of view
In case I put my foot in it and make things worse for you.
Because, you see, I’ll notice. I will see when you’re upset.
I know you’ll try to hide it but I’m a Super, don’t forget.
I’ll see the sadness in your eye when I haven’t understood
And know that I have failed again and feel like I’m no good.
So now you know my problem, you have heard my tale of woe.
I’ve finally admitted it, though it started long ago.
But do not fear, my lovely friends, this tale does not end here.
I’ve started taking baby steps to end its reign of fear.
Last year I had a revelation (a thought popped in my head) –
A vision of a little space upon the interweb.
I could write myself a blog, I thought (my mind began to buzz),
A little potted history of the life and times of us.
And so I did, and so was born the blog you’re reading now.
I began to tap my thoughts out on my keyboard and somehow
The world was filled with people who were interested in me,
Who thought that I had things to say and stuff they’d like to read.
Sometimes they agree with me and sometimes they oppose,
But that’s okay. We’re different. It doesn’t mean that we are foes.
I tell you my opinions but you read them far away.
That means no more superpowers getting in the way.
And now that I have seen that my opinions are valid,
I’m getting brave in “real life” and trying to be more candid.
I will not let my superpower make me anxious anymore.
I’m stronger now. I’m braver. I’m not the person I was before.
So thank you, lovely readers, for your ongoing support,
For cheering on my mini wins and overlooking flaws,
For showing me that differences, in fact, are still okay.
We cannot always think the same – it would be boring that way.
I used to think I thought too much. I hated my superpower.
Now I see I’m sensitive and that makes me feel empowered.
I thought I had to “get it right”, be just the same as you.
Now I see that being me is just as appealing too.
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